Hi. I’ve made a game.

Hi. I’ve made a game.

Yeah. Video games. When I was a baby my mom wanted me to have some tech stuff. She always loved to see tech stuff at the time. And bought me an Atari. I grew in a religous family with strict rules about playing. “There is moment just the right moment for everything”. They don’t wanted a spoiled addicted child, I guess. I was addicted but pretty obedient. I got a Mega Drive yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars later. So I have played Atari a lot. Pitfall was the best.

But my favourite childhood games were Golden Axe and Streets of Rage series. I was a SEGA boy, since my first console right after an Atari was Mega Drive (Genesis). I would later get a Super Nintendo. But the colours, speed and kind more upbeat/mature music of Sonic make Mario just a kid game for my taste.

For Super Nintendo I loved the game Yu Yu Hakusho Final: Makai Saikyo Retsuden (at the time people at Descalvado, where I lived, used to call it Namcot Final - damn japanese titles lol). And for PC: Ultima VIII.

I always told my sister that I would be video game music composer. Just because I could do some freaking noises with my mouth. What a stupid, stupid child I was. haha

So I always was like thinking about ~working with something to do with games~. Simple like that. Like a kid wants to be astronaut. 

Being professional

But the things got serious when I saw the intro of Legend of Zelda, at a store on a shopping at São Carlos, Link riding Epona. No sound - I was outside the store. I didn’t had contact with older Zelda series before. First time meeting Link. I was like: I want to do this. I want to do video games. 

And I started to look about it, study. I see the term game designer. I was like: no shit. 

While some friends were ~tasting teenaging~ drink wine at central square, I was so hooked with King of Fighters on a local Arcade. I even started to do my own Video game project. A fighting game called North Wind. Each team had 3 fighters. And I started to draw them a lot with Yu Yu Hakusho references. I started to write a lot of background story. My mom said it was a bit confusing. And my dad criticise that “why all the characters sounds like japanese names”.

It was the first time I take a step out of my references and started to create my own stuff. I even did a small class of Game Design with a japanese teacher. It was in 2000 I guess. The fighting game got bigger and turn out to be a RPG. x) At the time an english teacher who came from Wales lent me a Zelda cartridge to Game Boy. Man, I love that game. It was a black cartridge. Original! It was AWESOME!! Zelda always impact me like that. 

Starting prototypes

I moved from Descalvado to Franca. At college, a physics teacher knew my desire of working with games and showed me RPG Maker. I started my first game production right there. I made a lot of “Beta’s”, North Wind got a lot of characters and branches. It was a mess. I lose a lot of content with HD burning and stuff. A teen drama. 

My North Wind game scripts got a lot of content. Zelda was on my head. Castlevania was on my head. And then it happens: Castlevania: Symphony of The Night.

dammit! I need to work with games so hard. lol After that time I tried some school at USA but they do not want foreign at the moment.

In Brazil, at the time, there was a post graduation course at a far away city. I was like, ok…I will do anything and go post graduate. That was my silly mind at that moment.

So I made Advertising.  …

My father works with Marketing, and speak about it at lunches - so it would be easy for me (4 YEARS DUDE, SERIOUSLY??).

In my mind I really wanted to avoiding programming. I always thought that: I’m a game designer, I have to think about experience. And schools make you hate math, so in the end you don’t know how cool math can be.

The university really screw me up. I started an innocent guy, doing ads classes and as hobby a RPG for the university. An horror game about a girl that wakes up in the university and it is already late. She is surrounded by large roaches, ghosts… a flying lizard?? and she need to explore the university to get the fuck out.

I never finish it. My mistake was to keep upgrading RPG Maker on all it versions. With this, I had to do a lot of “rework”. 

But at a bright side It was my first interaction with programming: the basics, if/else, fork conditions,  scripts in Ruby. I was really on it.

But I was having a hard time: I didn’t like advertising. I wanted to quit classes in the end of the second year. But my mother don’t accept it, so I finish against my will. Some teacher were really monsters that craft ego outside of our selves. I was transformed on a dick person. In the last year of university I was a total dick.

There was 3 stuff that happens to me that split me out of this nonsense moment:

1- The lost of Graduation hat

I have a musician friend that I helped a lot to pass the classes while he could totally focus on his music, so when he saw that I lost my hat he gave me his and said:

- you can have it, it is important to you than it is to me

That thing really hits me. I was like: this is not important to me. Why I care about this hat anyway? Simbolize something I don’t wanna do.

A nail on my brain. A crack on the ego persona.

2- The architecture student waiting for the bus

The dude was trembling, smoking 3 cigars per second… I asked if he was ok, he said:

- when this all finish (university), I hope I can go back to be who I was.

Another nail on my brain. A bigger crack on the ego persona.

3- The girl I had a crush

Then I saw a girl I used to like on the first year of university. She used to be a very mean to me, but I wouldn’t care. Every time I tried to be clever than before and make she smile. But she would always be hard on me. Always. Thinking about that, my experience with girls on university was so lame. Maybe this helped to make myself a dick too. lol Anyways. But then I met her again. The mean girl and the dick me. I thought: bla… she just hates me.

She was with a big smile, talking with me. I was like: is she drugged? But she said that really liked me, because no matter what she would say, I always gave her a smile.

Bang! my ego persona was killed. I was blinded. I created a being to finish the university, but the creature continued on me. Everything makes sense again. Fuck this university. Where was I this whole time? This is not important to me, I want to make games.

And that is why I am so bad with girls. lol

So I start to study, bought books, stuff. I wanted to know terms, professional methods. I got my old University Horror Game and tried to make it a popular game. I remake it and used Marimoon as character. I’ve used a popular girl in Brazil because I wanted to get feedback. Certainly her fans would play it and talk about it. What was the point to make a game and nobody knows about it? 

Despertar de Mari

Mariland

With this experience and feedback I could build up my confidence. My plan was: go to Japan, sit in front Konami’s door and beg a job until I starve. That’s me! My father was so worried, because I was deadly serious. I told him: If i have to work with ad I prefer to kill myself. And he was like: woa, calm down. I was a lil misguided about things. Started to do Theater classes. I was searching things to handle experiences, create characters and stuff - voice acting would be pretty awesome too. I was searching this aspects of creation and stuff.

Then Ubisoft came to Brazil with a game designer position. That was my time. But…. What should I send? a curriculum? pff. thats lame. I have nothing. RPG maker prototype with pixel pop artist? don’t make me laugh. I was empty handed. I researched and saw they want to make a DS game. So I made something that I am pretty proud of. I’ve found a DS game maker stuff. it was a pretty basic stuff that could make homebrew games to run on flashdrives and specifics cartridges. It could run on DS. The software had a lot of limitations and watermark on screen. It was really no good. So I started to edited the programming on Text notes. and compile with Eclipse I guess. And I freaking made a curriculum running on Nintendo DS. 

I was stunned. I made the package, It was ready to send, I open the Ubisoft site and: no position available. Dammit! What?

I was late. So I tried the old good internet, found the place Ubisoft was, send it anyway.

No response. I tried to call, emails. Until a day an HR guy answer me. He told that find it pretty impressive and in the first opportunity they would call me. I was like: happy!

And then my parents get divorced. That was quite traumatic. They were divorced but living at the same roof. My sis was married, And I was the only one here. I felt like I was holding them. Like a needle. And then Antonio, my friend, invited me to go to São Paulo. He don’t even had a home yet. He was living with some familiars. And even still he invited me. “come here we managed to do something”

:~

And I leave everything behind for the games. Even a girl I was with at the moment - for unbelievable it looks like. At São Paulo I was searching for any job. Just to stay close to Ubisoft. I past 3 months of total despair. Low money.  No job. Low food. Living under a roof by favor. But I manage to get a job finally. A cool one. Sell video games at a bookstore - how cool is that? A good experience. I met a lot of cool dudes, learn a lot about the market. But after 8 months, I was consumed. I did a lot of side projects in the meantime (paper, concept) and sent to Ubisoft.

some characters done with Antonio/DS project

some characters done with Antonio/DS project

Some facebook game prototype

Some facebook game prototype

No answer. Then I discovered the HR guy that was my contact wasn't at ubi anymore. Plus Antonio leave São Paulo. I was quite alone. I manage to live with my friend John for sometime. I even did a 4 days project - on my xmas vacation.

Reroute 2 Remain

Reroute 2 Remain

Reroute 2 Remain

Reroute 2 Remain

But John had a serious accident right after and came back to Franca. And I was alone again. And I left SP for the first time. I thought: in 3 months I will be back.

I made another project, and Antonio was back to São Paulo. I asked if I could spent a weekend at his house to send a project to ubi. He said it was cool. I went there. Sent the ubi the project. And in the same afternoon I got a call. I got a job. Not at Ubisoft, but as game journalist. What a plot twist. 

I work for Pop.com/games. Had a column about japanese games, met a lot of my personal heroes (old journalists from loved magazines). Tested some games. Learned a lot. I also visited some game schools. At the time "Game development" courses was trending. But was kinda disappointed. I made a distant course on Java. Made a lil game of pong. lol

I also had some interviews on new companies spawning at the moment, but I was rejected because I don't had experience - the enterprise don't have either... ¬¬ anyways you can't judge experience. A shower in the rain is a experience. Frustration is a experience. Moving on...

At the time Pop never wrote any article about indie games nor national made games. But I showed the game Talbot Odyssey (Miniboss) to the guys and they were very impressed and permitted to write an article about it.



Miniboss was like a relief for me. Finally a good stuff that mixed art+content. I was really angry with national scenario and Miniboss really made me proud of being a Brazilian wanting to work with games. I made quite a raging article. But my editor like it and approved it. After a while I get out the job. São Paulo is a very expensive city. I came back to Franca without perspective. Found myself in 3 shit relationships. I was really down. Broken. When Antonio came back from São Paulo to live in Franca. He and a fellow were about to open an animation studio. And ask me if I knew how to do apps for iPhone. I never knew shit about apple stuff. Just that were expensive stuff.

But I said: I can learn. I did a curriculum on DS godammit

My father helped me with an iMac, I got an iPhone.

I got seriously fucked up with money. I've started to study like was no tomorrow. 

The guys ask me a lot of prototypes. They got tons of ideas. Child books. Child games. Shoes catalogues. All for iPad. I had to do on iMac, go to the fellow house, got his iPad, came back to home build it, goes back to fellow and present it... But there was a serious problem. I made the prototypes, but it ends there. Nothing happens. The guys wont do nothing! When we got our first client I got so excited that I bought an iPad with the help of my mom. It was my last breath. It was also the last breath of the group. We got disbanded. I was bankrupt. 

It was a really fucked up moment. My mom helped me a lot. I was living under her roof again. I was marching to 30 years. I was a failure. I just hated myself because nothing goes right.

I tried talk with people. With the indie people from here. But everyone seems to be occupied with a lot of stuff. People were doing things. Traveling. I feel that I was interrupting them. Being annoying. I don't want to bother no one. I just want to know if I can help. I can do stuff for mobile.

But nobody wanted mobile because there is “just shit games”.

I said, “well this is a good scenario. maybe this is an opportunity to make a good game”

But I was kinda alone again. And my confidence was down the river.

Then I said. I will do this shit. I will do an entire game on my own. Art, music…everything. I don’t know how, but I will. I will draw a stick. Like that minimalist Street fighter characters.

I’ll try my best. I will not bother anyone. I will just do it. I knew that indie scene was about a community, people helping each other. And stuff. But now I feel like I was the anti-christ of Brazilian indie. I got myself inside my cave (bedroom). Don't bother anyone. And make something depending on no one. 

There is a lot of people out there that don’t do any games. Don’t do any apps and start speaking on how to do stuff. List rules. People gaining money trying to teach something they don’t personally achieve. While some may not achieved but researched a lot and have some basis to speak, there is also a bunch some o crap. I research a lot in the middle of garbage and could find also a lot of cool and precious stuff. For this game I’ve used my feelings and a lot of searching on Stackoverflow (I did just one question but I manage to figure it out by myself - nobody understand it anyway :~ Yup, I've deleted all my code haha).

I don’t make a game to be commercial. I made a game out of an idea I had and believe. I wanted it to be mine game, so I used old papers I had written when younger. I wanted to make it cool for me and respectful to all the references I love.

And the first success tip I read on internet was: to make a successful game, give it a short name. And that is how it is born: North Wind: Trill of Consciousness.

Because list of rules sucks!

[soundcloud]